Subject: Re: Basic Automotive mechanics

> I wonder if any of you fine Merkur maniacs could recommend a good starting
> reference to me on the basics of automoble mechanicals and electricals. I'm
> pretty much devoid of much of a clue.

This is a valid topic for many owners, so let me lend some advice.

First of all you needs lots of tools, because you're gonna be breaking them trying to loosen rusty bolts, and throwing them over the house. I haunt the discount stores and buy really cheap tools. For example, I pay $3.95 for 3/8ths inch drive ratchets. I buy 5 at a time. With this system, there's always one handy, and when it breaks, I then have a shiny new hammer. There are very few cars I cannot beat into submission with this system and my multiple "hammers".   Don't think the expensive ones don't break, cause they do.

Second, you need lots of chemicals. While at the auto parts stores, look for warning labels on the cans, that say things like "Caution: this product has been known to burn the skin clean off of your hands!" The products with the scariest warnings are usually the most effective of their type.

Third, you need to come to some sort of agreement with your neighbors, concerning the fountain of colorful language that will soon be flowing from your direction. A "cuss can" requiring a $.25 donation for each infraction of the standard vernacular is a common solution. At the end of the summer, you can throw a BBQ for your neighbors, to thank them for not coming over to borrow your lawnmower while you were busy sawing your fingers off, and getting rusty grit particles lodged behind both eyes. Or you could spend it on emergency room bills.

Fourth, attend the local auto auctions and procure at least 3 additional examples of the particular car model you are working on. This way you can be assured of replacing bad parts with similarly bad parts as part of the troubleshooting process. To be really effective with this technique, you need to remove the part in question from all the cars, line them up in the driveway, and then forget which one came from what car, so that you can guess at which one caused which particular problem.

Fifth, and this is most important. Find a recommended local mechanic, and buy pizza for the whole shop at least once a week. This way, when you have successfully installed your transmission incorrectly, you can get it repaired without having them laugh in your face, and charge you twice as much as it should've cost. Remember, everybody likes pizza, and no one will offend a reliable food source. Beer works too but only show up after the work is done.

Remember, attitude is everything. Yelling at the car, "You just don't get it, do you? I'm going to win! I ALWAYS win! It make take 4 years and $10,000, but I ALWAYS WIN!", can usually swing the tides of mechanical fate in your direction. The madder you are, the more likely you are to break the car sufficiently to require a real mechanic to fix it. This saves you the trouble of having to fix it yourself.

Bleeding on the car as a token of your devotion to it,  often has positive results.

Also, and possibly most important, it helps to own at least one Honda, so you can get to the mechanic's shop to pay him for fixing your car.

Good Luck!